My life- A Roller Coaster

:::Thursday, March 31, 2005:::

i caant believe i just on fritz. that means i am going to play chess on playchess.com . sighx nothing really to do now. its 1053 pm. no 1 to talk to online. den i nth to do online cant play war3 so late parents wont like/wont allow. den i lazy to study

wah my life in a mess. help me!

oh ya i did this gift tag todae for the tsunami victims. i wrote on it:

"Hope is rising, new day dawning, songs of singing, fills the air"

sounds familar eh? wonder which song i took it from...

dam nit my hair looks like shit shldnt haf cutted at all man.

tml another 2 free periods. free periods sux man. this is so ironic lorh. its like last time pple like me always pray for no lessons right now i prefer lessons lorh. free periods are more boring esp u cant do things u want. sighx.

its friday tml. anything special? aprils fools? wadeva larhx. gonna be another friday. :P

my left thigh dunno why still abit acheing from hockey trng. run 8 rounds lorh. i ran like 130 plus for each round. got 2 mins rest each round and 15 mins rest after 5 roudns. this was on tuesday la. man i got STM(short term memory) cant remember if i blogged abt hockey yet or nt. poor hm struggled thru running :(

omg i still dun haf sam's add. sumhow i juz want it to magically appear infront of me. wont happen though.

ok i am not gonna play chess on playchess.com i'm gonna lie on my bed counting carrots in the imaginary funland in chang's land

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 10:51 PM

• • • • •

:::Wednesday, March 30, 2005:::

Ok. I am going to start blogging an entry now. I can feel right now, through the power of ermmm.. my brain!, that this entry is gonna be non-positive? and that it's gonna be slightly negative. but nevertheless!, i will try to put in sum happy stuff(muz think of sum muz not haf sad post only!)!

:P

ok. let's start with me being ANGRY. there's this attitude problem teacher in ACJC. his name is called daniel khor. well, i am specially going to take sum part of this entry juz dedicating to this ermmm dog sounds bad.. let me use AP person! for those who do not know what AP is? dun worri i didnt know wad it was at first. go find out :P anywaay back to the topic, THE AP person made an announcement yesterday regarding those interested in signing up for physics olympiad meet him at 110PM at 2nd level staff room. my day ended at 1110AM. the whole SB combination does so. SO at 1110AM i went to the 2nd level staff room look for him he not there, den i called this J3(sum1 who juz graduated) called audrey who taught my class physics for the first 3 months.

(a new paaraaagraph in case veri messy) coincidently, she was wif AP person in the hub. i asked her to ask him whether can i go see him now. THE AP person said 'no, 110PM'. den i ask can i go see him tml morning(todae morning) he said 'no, 110PM'. wtf lorhx? (no oh i juz swore again..) den nvm i went home first and came back in the afternoon aroudn 4 plus as i have hockey. OK THIS IS THE MOST #$%#$ part. i will promise that i will try to resist all swearing here.

at aroudn 440pm i went up to 2nd staff room. looked for him and told him that i came to look for him for the physics olympiad. THEN #@#@$32. he replied say why u come for wad? not interested never stay until 110pm to see him. say not committed. then he freaking actually ask me get lost. i think he used the 2 words 'go away' OMG at thAT POINT of time i wanted to like at least slap him or punch him lorh. lucky i am ACJC student. i mean IF I NOT INTERESTED NOT COMMITTED WHY would I GO LOOK FOR HIM at 1110AM, CALL MY EX PHYSICS TEAACHER AND ACTUALLY GO FIND HIM AGAIN BEFORE HOCKEY at 440PM. THIS GUY SO AP KPKB SAY WTF NOT INTERESTED NOT COMMITTED WHAT FOR I GO SEE HIM FOR WAD ASK ME GET LOST. thank god i kept my anger and juz waited for him walk back in staff room and i walk away.

ok... relax carrot. RELAX. you onli used 1,2,3,4. a total of 4 short forms of vulglarities in the past 3 paragraphs. this is a significant improvement from my normal self. last time i would usually flood the screen but hey now aat least i can control. changjie u deserve a pat on the back *pat pat* :P i deserve chocs and sweets for this man. going to buy later at caltex.

i think i wanan post a chat log wif kai hui later. juz feel maybe it's better to say how i feel abt certain stuff.

ok anyway, shall not deviate further. let's throw away the AP person(daniel khor) subject away and get to a new 1! yes yes hmmm. ok let's talk aabt me. changjie. hahaz. no la i juz realised just now while i was walking back home i was doing sum self talking(MAD CHANGJIE TALKING TO HIMSELF :P) i am delaying so much stuff in my life. hmm i tink i haf a few. of course i wont talk abt all of them. hmm cca sooner or later when chess and hockey clash. also i told myself last week i am going to write sum small letter to both kh and samatha, esp the latter, becaz i nv really gave them anything when they left acjc. the former did get sum book i shaared wif huimin. but i havent even pay lorh. ok these 2 things are wad i am going to mention. other delays i wont mention privte matters :P anyway i onli haf 1 of the 2 addresses. need to get the other.

ok anyway this week i am having this small little 10 roche bet wif hm. aactually she forfeited during econs le. but hahaz. nvm larhx i wont be xiaoqi and ask for the 10 roche. lolz.

oh ya i wanted to FREAKING (another vulglarity used, 5 in this entry so far) to kill qing yuan lorh. wtf(6!) man. its like there's this rumour that he likes this girl called hq in his class. so i was like asking ws landon and shaun how the girl looked like. i also told them our war3 clan got this person wif the nick "hq.owned.you" also. so muz be sum scandal between qing and her larhx. budden WTF(7), stupid sia. i was like ok talking wif them and stuff den qing went up to the real H.Q(initial of the girl) a few tables away and said i like her. WTF BBQ(9) lorhx. omg(10)! cb(11) i was like so pissed but i controlled. kena this kind of sabo. nvm qing yuan shall die a horrible death the next time i got any chance to sabo him. balls 2 him!!!! !!!! (is balls a bad word? i dunno)

oh yah. (been using 'oh yah' alot of times?) i juz realised my chess thingy this year quite screwed. suppose to haf 2 medals both missed by the slightest of margins summore. nvm stay ++++++++++

and ya this is the chat entry i waaas talking abt. let me host it

click here to read. its wad i feel abt pple who discrimate against chess larhx

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 8:46 PM

• • • • •

:::Tuesday, March 22, 2005:::

Naive!

cool to know that there are many naive people around! :P well well woke up this morning 1 minute after parents left for work. i was camping in my room waiting to hear the car engine roar and the gate open and close and *SPRINGZ* i jumped out of bed. did my usual of switching on the comp immediately :P (nt b4 attending to nature's call la). came online saw ivan's nick. it said that he got in RJC by accident and he needs help. i straight away know it's rubbish la, so i was thinking, my turn to trick people.

oh ya. checked my posting. gd sch. not bad. izzit acjc? hmmmm... ok anyway down to the trickster Zhang. i put in my nick *NJC WoW*. i never said i went in there. AND YES first victim appeared in minutes. i think seconds would be a better description. kelly (from 1sb2) came along and asked me.

Kelly: "wow ur're in NJ?"
Me: ":P"
Kelly: "really?"
Me: ":P"
Kelly: "congrats"

haha i didnt Lie hor. i used smiley faces. i didnt sin! hahaz. den i waited, wah that was around 9am. fine i nt getting any more pple to ask me :( sighx. so i went on war3. den i fooled 4 pple at a short. Weisheng qing yuan landon and shaun. they all believed i got into NJ. but once again i just :P when they asked. i told ws later i was kidding though when he "threathen" to dao me. hahaz. den he helped me fake to the other 3 further

cool right? den alot of pple also kena conned la. edward oei and lots more. lz to remember now and lz to look thru list. who knows i shall leave my comp on till i sleep and see if i get any more victims :P

and ya, i told ws a small tiny weeny bit of reason why i am doing this. juz to know who really really treat me as enemy la. i mean if sum1 comes up to me and he's going ac and says "YES U ARE IN NJC!" obviously means sumthing. lucky none so far. but main reason is to haf fun at looking at people's naiveness. come on 11 pts - 2 bonus can go nj? dreaming la

today

today went to play lan wif jt gabby hussien and aaron. played mainly war3 and a bit of cs. hmm 6 bucks for 4 hours. ok la. i mean $1.50 for 1 hour is quite cheap. budden i dunno larhx, might have regretted playing? i mean it clashed wif both edwward's movie and class(5) lunch. the class lunch was like i last minute informed lorh. like morning 9am den i knew? so kinda thought and know i am uninvited so i was more into lanning alreadi. den edward that 1, thought they watching son of the mask which i watched le. so dunno la

anyway lan was fun. played from 1120 to 220. 3-4. around these times la. i played 3 aT games wif elgin. won first lost 2nd third 1 had to leave halfway. won a solo game. budden lost a solo game this morning b4 i left. then the rest of the time play with the other 4 peeps. dotaz/hero line wars and cs etc

did i waste my time at lan? dunno lahx. maybe i did, maybe i didnt. ok next time i will go movie and socialise instead le

ok gtg dad wants me off and wants me do work :(

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 8:26 PM

• • • • •

:::Monday, March 21, 2005:::

this is my nick on windows messenger (fyi my msn messenger got problem! :( )

as days go by, my campaign seems to be failing. things are not looking bright. :( *moronic msn messenger*

sighx. yup as days go by, time passes, things changing, birds flapping, hair growing, music playing, my campaign seems to be failing. things are not looking bright, things are looking dull.

wishing for the better. hoping praying wanting needing. come on stay positive and think, u can do it. problems will be solved one by one, bit by bit step by step. in a wink all will be solved, hopefully.

hmmm, i tink i haf been pissing far too many people during the past week. let's start from tuesday(last week).

First victim (1). tuesday. sum njc fellow in my round 2 chess game. i was white(opens the game) well me looking down on him and being overconfident i played my moves confidently. well that's doesnt piss people off. but what i did was pissing. i played my move, walked around, sit outside, stare at greenery. come back, wait for him play his move, wait for him to press his clock to start my clock agian. den i think, play my move, walk around, look at other people games, sit outside again and look at scenery. wow! imagine. u are the njc fellow, and ur opponent is like "sticking his middle finger" up ur er herm... lolz. well wad to do, i had total positional play of the game :P

Second victim (2). Nicole wee. Last tuesday and sunday. on tuesday(or monday night) i broke a promise on her. hahaz. its like ok u tell me this XX then i will u my YYY stuff. budden once she told me her XXX stuff i juz hahaz dun reveal my YYY stuff. i mean nt my fault lorh, suppose to be fair trade den she gif lousy info. not my fault :P den on sunday i 'threathen' her abt revealing stuff and rumours about her to other pple. DEN she really think i will do it lorh. den pissed at me. wah!! nt my fault again lorh, she so naive :P believe i will tell on her.

Third victim (3). Lin Ailin. friday. i asked her how come she nv fetched bryan to the chess venue when she fetched his older brother. wah i sounded like i was scolding her lorhz.. den she mad at me :P hahaz. i tink she nt tat petty larhx, but at least pissed at me for a few minS? :P den go comment on my uniform sux too! :( hahaz nvm. fair le

Fourth victim (4). Fedora. saturday. wah, juz pissed her off lorhx. dunno how dunno why but just pissed her off. this is a rare case where i know sum1 is pissed at me but i dunno why or wad i done. juz that feeling. she says she's nt pissed. rubbish i hate liars!!!! :P

Fifth victim (5). Sean Tan and "Sean Tan". Only gabby and tofu will understand and know who is the 2nd "sean tan" hahaz. well first 1 juz pissed me off during maths TUTORIAL when walking into class. i juz dunno why got mad and irate den i just shoved him and pushed him when he was on my right and he nearly fall! hahaz. not my fault lorh. i pms today still wanna piss me off.. so obvious i pms a little(ok a bit more den a little) who ask him not sensitive. well for the 2nd "Sean Tan". wah i tink alot of people know i super sensitive person yet she dunno. wad she said during the start of math LECUTRE i so freaking hurt inside lorh. fine den i juz reply sum nonsense BS! back den wanted to dao her budden dunno why in the end still talk to her. opps i revealed it's a HER! hahaz. so they both veri gd timing right? 1 in tutorial 1 in lecture.

i think i pissed more pple off. juz cant remember :P well. tat's er... ok i will try to piss less pple off. gonna add this in my campaign!

Warcraft 3

my practice is going fine. played 2 solos today when i came back from school. won both of them. so that means for the last ten games i think i am 9-1 or izzit 8-2? :P (for those naive and blur pple, 9-1 means 9 wins 1 loss and 8-2 means 8 wins and 3 losses. NO DUH 2 losses..) won a human(huimin) mirror match. fantastic game. going to watch the replay to feel powerful later. i mean super nice micro. the other game was human vs undead. total ownage :P wah i feel so proud! and aarrrogant!

i play the human alliance!

Holiday tml!

holiday tml. i havent plan my schedule yet. can either go play lan wif gabby jt hussien and aaron. or go out wif edward ds and gang to watch movie. well i am open. so I aM FREE and open for TML NOW. any1 wanna ask me out??? :P (i am juz dreaming, no 1 would. i am juz a loserz!) sighx. any more options for me or nt? havent made up my mind now

time to do work. juz watched lotr. its 930. i tink do until 11pm larhx. ok tataz

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 9:14 PM

• • • • •

:::Sunday, March 20, 2005:::

Warcraft III

hmmm. juz looked at the way qualifications will occur for wcg sg 2005.

more details at http://sg.worldcybergames.com

I'm going to try to win the JC's category. Then get seeded right into the world cyber games sg finals knockout stages. I dun tink i will stand a chance at the lan shops and online 1 but still going to try going through the former also though. but they key 1 i focus is jcs section. That's why today i been practicing warcraft a little. played 6 games. won 5 lost 1. man my stupid record doesnt allow me to play good players :( the game i lost was human mirror on turtle rock. sighx i dunno why, but i've been losing human mirror games. best would be orc or night elves :P sumhow when i said human mirror it sounds like huimin mirror. rubbish and bs! hahaz :P

I thought about it le. the only thing i'm going to play in this year's chess would be the schools' league and nat inter school team. that is if i cannot go asean. If i can then i will play those better 1s and tag some people along. dun wan to waste too much time le. i mean schools league once every 2 weeks saturday for 5 times i think. then nat inter sch team is slack 1, just 1 day in sept. that's why can sumone assure me whether i can go asean or nt. i scared leong go change regulation den i cannot go. and if i go asean i dun wan to waste money like wad i did in sec3. miss by solkoff for team silver. muz train seriously le(didnt even train for indivs :( ) sighx i cant even qualify for national age grp lorh, a tourney i've been getting 4th and 6th the past 2 years.

my priorities now is studies. i think everyday i will mug from 830 to 1015 at least. budden b4 that when i reach home i will use 1.5 hrs of comp. 1 hour for 2-3 games of war3 and 30mins for utopia and chatting and generally. maybe blogging. chess is on hold for a long time unless sum1 gives me confirmation of asean again.

moronic msn messenger still got problem sighx.

and Please PRETTY please taag my board if u read my blog. actually dunno larhx, i might stop blogging soon and use the diary kaihui gave me to write down. den if i want i use camera take photo paste on blog those insensitive pages laz. den blog will be 'inactive' becaz if i use diary most likely alot of personal stuff. hahaz

all e^ best for mei liz to solve her prob.

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 10:46 PM

• • • • •

:::Saturday, March 19, 2005:::

will people who read my blog tag! or else i v. sad lei :( hahaz

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 11:24 PM

• • • • •

MORONIC MSN MESSENGER 7.0

This is how stupid changjie is. Changjie saw at leroy's house how kewl msn 7.0 was so he decided that on friday when he reached home, he's gonna try to upgrade his msn. low and behold it didnt work, so the 'smart' changjie decided to uninstall msn 6.2 and try to just install 7.0 and not upgrading it. omg! changjie den found out the same problem of installing 7.0 occurs again. and the worser thing is that he couldnt install 6.2 back at all as the same problem persists!

So the now dumb changjie has to use windows messenger until he becomes smart and finds a way to cure the above problem.

Son of the mask.

watched this show today. ok la. funny as it is suppose to be. but well the enjoyment was totally cancelled out becaz of what happened after the movie outside the cinema. dun wan to elaborate. but wth man, sum pple so dao totally pissed me off.... den somemore is ask me out go watch 1 den still so @#$! dao. i juz breakaway and took the train home myself..

Yap Xiu Huan

wah i scream unfair! my mei mei of mine appear HALF A PAGE on straits times today saturday page in the sports section. the interview cover both soccer and chess lorh. wah i so jealous :( *green face* wah! she nv even mention me as her wonderfully caring gor gor! :( *cries* hahaz. wah pro or nt? mei mei capt of u17 summore. sighx. i am jealous, better dao her a while :P
nv mention my bdae gift to u nv mention abt how i console u how i advice u on stuff. wah!! let me share the limelight with u at least la!!!! :

let me see wad else to type to lengthen this entry. i think i haf enuf of complaining abt chess. sumhow i feel this year is screwed up le wu ke jiu yao bu ke jiu yao. yes my chiense *ROXOR*! hahaz

ok i dunno wad to blog le. maybe i will end off saying. i think i am quite screwed! but i haf to take things one at a time and take it positively. soon, hopefully all problems will be solved. been praying hard k.

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 10:51 PM

• • • • •

:::Friday, March 18, 2005:::

Let me start off this blog entry with a confession. Or a fact actually.

I am disappointed and sad.

Those who have like seen me at the class BBQ yesterday night, it was unlike my usualy self. That's what i think. Furthermore, yesterday night and today's morning was absolutely 101% unlike of myself. I acted differently. Sigh. Think it's due to several reasons. One of them is the chess tournament.

To start off. I had 4 points at the end of round 2. For non-chess readers, a win is 1 point, draw is 0.5 points and a loss is 0 points. There were 3 games on the last day(yesterday,thursday). ASEAN age group championship needed 5.5 points(a tournament which players from the south east asia region join in terms of age group) and mathetically 6 points assures a prize(top 15). 5.5 points might get me a prize as my tiebreaker(a formula used to rank people with the same score) was strong.

I had the mentality of getting around 6 points or more. I got a shock of my life when i lost my first game to Ben Lee. Well, he's a better player then me in terms of rating(figures used to represent one's chess strength) but then again i have been playing well against "better" players this tournament. I really regretted at one point of the game not sacing(sacrificing) 2 minors(bishop and knight) for a strong attack i think. Was really a hard knock. Also i was in time trobule(each player is given 1 hour to complete his side, i am a person known to use till the last few seconds).

That was round 7(third last round)

Round 8 saw me having 4 points still meaning i had to win twice to get the 6 points. I was paired against an "unrated" chess player from RJC. However, due to errors he actually had a rating of 19++(one thousand nine hundred plus plus) while mine is only 1731. I was quite furious at the pairing, because if his real rating was reflected i would not have played him i guess as computer pairings favours weaker half vs better half.(chimelogy) Further more he had 4.5 points while i had 4 points. (this means there was odd players of 4.5 points and i was the highest 4 pointer on tiebreak then). I went into the game very mentally stressed and since i am having the white pieces(white makes the first move thus i always feel is superior). I got into a completely winning position straight off the opening(starting of the game)

Ok if this is not winning. I do not know what is considered winning. I dunno why and how but somehow i slowly gave my advantage back and was losing at the end. Had to depend on a stalement(pieces cannot move) of bishop and a pawn for a draw in the end. I was playing for his time also as i had 20+ more minutes all along. He had <5>

I was really very like super doubtful after the game. Drawing a totally won position is really out of the question at this level of chess.

4.5 points after round 8. This means i have nothing to lose and even if i win my last round, i have to depend on my tiebreaker for a prize.

Round 9(final round) saw me pit against another person with 0.5 points more then me. It was my chess senior jonathan. Well he wanted me to purposely lose so that he can sure get a prize. I didnt want to. In fact, I also didnt want a draw as i had nothing to lose and that 4.5 points or 5 points makes no difference. He offered draws during the game even at some points i was losing positionally. But i rejected hoping for a blunder and a win. It did came towards the end and i won. It was a very a scary feeling afterwards. 5.5 points should qualify for ASEAN yet i was afraid of my prize thingy. Also jonathan was super pissed at me but come to think of it, i have all the right to not purposely lose but win. And that if he wants a top 10 prize(if he had won) he should all the more play better. If i had purposely lost, his prize would be meaningless i feel.

Anyway, to cut things short. I went for the prize presentation. The organisers do not publish the rankings so as to make sure those undecided people go for prize presentation. top 15 get prize. i got 16th.

just finished eating dinner. shall continue blogging(sighxz! this part of the entry got deleted gotta retype :( )

Liz mei mei gave me a card at the start of round 7,3rd day(thrusday)

and i gave an e-card to both liz mei mei and huimin(choir :P) on wednesday night! I wonder how did huimin do for her choir auditions. Liz didnt get the 3/3 she wanted for last day but hey 5.5/9 in total is still good! (merit prize lei!)

Liz's e-card
Huimin's e-card

and ya kaihui gave me something too at the class bbq! well she done so well at o levels that she's leaving ac :( for a well known cheena school :P hahaz lolz :P all ^E best.

and this is the diary the picture above is talking about *yucks!* lolz :P

Class BBQ:

at long last to blog about this. didnt know that chess stuff would take so long. Hey this is going to be a lengthy entry(due to pictures ^above^ lolz :P) i think around 15 people went in total at least. not sure though. Went there in acjc uniform and with a sad depressive look i guess(due to chess duh!). hey i juz realised i think jas is a super nice gal. she actually asked me like how i did and when i told her etc etc, she knew how to comfort people. feng mao ling jiao lei. rarity. Went to changed into partial home clothes after that.(i mean i brought the rip curl shirt and sum shorts/knee length home wear to change) hmmm the food was nice. me being a lazy pig *oink* decided to juz give eye power to those people cooking! hahaz den i just koped the bee hoon lotsa bananas! and chicken wings to eat. didnt consume much though prolly wasnt in the mood(need to know why??, if u dunno by now stop reading on u deserve to be slapped)

let's see aaron gabby leroy shawn sean huimin kaihui christina yiling sarah kelly lucas xin hui and me went. maybe i left out 1 or 2. sorry! 10 people stayed over in total if i remember correct(including the 2 owners duh!)

i feel bad and guilty sia. I didnt lifeten the mood up during the night(after the bbq) and the morning of the stay over. i was like dull face. i regretted i mean this might be one of the few times sb2 would get together. sorry! i mean the super hyper gabby and tofu didnt stay. and sumtimes it takes 2 hands to clap, or 3 in my case as i was :(. hey at least during the bbq i lifeten the spirit up by demoing pesi cola! hahaz. and mahjong noobness lolz.

and ya. kaihui received a diary from huimin and I. Somehow i feel like juz saying it's mainly from the former. i mean firstly, she bought it and i juz shared(havent even pay :( ). 2ndly, kaihui was like saying that if i write sumthing on it(i mean me and hm decided to write 1 page each) would spoil the book as my handwriting was .. ok though this sounds super mean to me and i felt a little *hurt* but it's true to an extend. i ended up writing 1-2 lines and draw a super big smiley. i'm predicting something. kh gonna rip up the first page and throw it away! sighz :( but nvm at least that's makes the book much nicer.

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 7:38 PM

• • • • •

:::Wednesday, March 16, 2005:::

won 2 lost 1 todae. lost against zhen yang todae. juz used fritz to quickly play the game. dun think dere was anyway to get an advantage in that complicated position which i had just minutes left against his 20+ mins. sigh. against evan i also time trouble. against pros i got time trouble! :( sighx

won,lost den won. won my 6th round by luck. i underestimated my opponent. maybe becaz he plays really weird moves. so i exchanged down to even end game and i still dilly derely. den!! i was losing positionally :( sighx.. i was so worried lorh. lucky thank god i managed to win. he blundered a few times in the ending to make a lost position won. final blunder = free bishop. sighx i underestimate my first roudn and 6th round opponent. cant anymore. i blitz(played fast) my 6th round lorh :( sighx

super stress. last day tml. 4/6. i really want to win all tml, it's difficult and close to impossible though. but all things are possible! there can be miracles when u believe. i really cannot take it. it's like tml will be the most stressful chess day i will ever haf. come on man i wasnt even this stress during asean 03 lorh.

this chess tournament is unfortunately or fortunately coming at a right time. had so much thoughts b4 this. looks like i am getting distracted. i mean i dun think of them during my games. but i do think of them after every dae. nice distraction? i dunno. shld i even be distracted?

anyway sum pictures to sum up the entry.

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 9:10 PM

• • • • •

:::Tuesday, March 15, 2005:::

first dae of nat indivs 2005

boys open

i seriously underestimated my unrated hcjc opponent first round. i blitz all my moves from the start aroudn like 15 moves in 5 mins? den i played a combo wrongly and was 2 pawns down. guess wad? i didnt know i was 2 pawns down till like 2-3 moves later? it den became 3 pawns down and i was seriously sweating and afraid of such a bad start. (my past 2 indivs i won my first game).. i was like. OMG wanna cry lorh den i just put all my energy into the game. its like 3 pawns on right side each den he has 3 connected pawns on the left side 77,6 rank. and if i was palying in his shoes it's an easy win. any1 playing would haf won easily. sumhow i managed to move my knight here dere and surprise i wining. den super long end game. thx man i prayed like when i was super down.

2nd round i was white. i blitz again. didnt haf much trouble. played a weak move when i could play a better move during one of the moves. but did well :P

3rd roudn. sighx. played against evan yeo of sji(he upgraded himself to open cat). sea games player, 2nd seed(i was 15 seed). rating of 22++ i think. i am like 1731? i had black. opening alreadi messed but sumhow i managed to scare him away. opening used too much of my time. i had like 35 mins gone he 15 mins gone? den play i had this position wif slight aroudn 2 mins left

obviously wining for black. i was black. offered draw he didnt want. den played for my time and i lost as i was blitzing. if i had just 5 mins more. 5 miracles mins more sure win le :(

sighx. stay positive changjie. there's 6 more rounds left.

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 11:20 PM

• • • • •

:::Sunday, March 13, 2005:::

i was thinking abt how sensitive a person i am just now

i remembered kaihui yesterdae said sumthing abt me veri arrogant("not humble") at kap as i brought my mensa jacket to lectures sometimes.. tat was like made me so .. let's see there's addidas jacket,nike den also got all those wad prefects,cca jackets. so let's see i am like not tahat rich can afford addidas jacket or nike 1s. or even reebok or wadeva pro and ex brands out dere. den also if i dun haf any cca jacket(chess?) or dun haf a prefect jacket(not one) or stuff. den i haf my mensa jacket. so i cant bring it isit? so those pple that haf mensa jacket and onli haf those and bring those are considered "not humble"? wad abt those hyper rich pple can buy addidas,nike? or those super proud and arrogant abt their cca acheivements and their posts? prefects,track,soccer etc? sumtimes i dunno why but pple always haf different mindsets from me. why?

and also. i tink i am qutie sensitive as i tink a week back zhiwei told me that several pple in my class go talk behind my back. i felt so ... lorh. i tink it's my nature being veri sensitive

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 5:08 PM

• • • • •

:::Saturday, March 12, 2005:::

this is a new blog entry!

Scheme to cover

1. ACS BARKER carnival
2. lizzie
3. myself(6th day of campaign)

thanks for every1 dat came down to help out at the haunted house at acs barker todae. i declare it a success! w00T! tks guys. i think memories of this event will last very long in my mind :P esp when i laid in a "coffin" :P haha. and i got a make over by weisheng too! tks to jt reagan adriel for the main stuff and now the rest. huimin kaihui yiling sean weili lucas ryan yuet chong ivan zhi wei trevor abishek shu han joshua shawn landom qingyuan weisheng etc etc. sorry in a hurry to blog i tink i missed out many times sorry. but thank you guys! i really hope i can be back dere scaring more pple now! haha so many screams. joy! success! hahaz. but of course there were sum guys dat just ...

talked to lizzie just now from aroudn 9+ to 10+. she was quite depressed :( tried to cheer her up and make her feel beta:P i really hope she can resolve all her problems to the best of her abilities. she's having alot of problems. wad a poor mei mei :( really hope dat she will really follow her heart and do wad to her is right. i cant reveal details in my blog sorry. and yup wadeva decision and path she chooses(for any of her problems) i will support my mei mei! this kind of stuff happens to every1. i really hope she can choose the best option and really follow wad her heart really says so.

it's the 6th day of my positive(+) thinking campaign. i think it has really changed me alot. i mean right now i can view things completely different. eg. like a few weeks ago when i look at myself, i realised all my female frenz just treat me as a very good fren. just like wad fedora puts "you're my veryvery very VERY good fren". and at time i just thought to myself, why? why i so .. my frenz only treat me as their veri good/good fren. its like nicole liz xh fedora and so on just treat me as their very good/good fren and would like talk to me when their depressed seek my help. esp when i'm like lizzie/xh and nicole gor. i thought, i was quite @#$# and sad how come?? but right now i view of it a different way. i view it as hey at least i haf the opportunity to haf close frenz that actually confine their personal stuff in me, and willing to tell me all their problems. i like helping pple and hey my frenz are treating me as a very gd fren and tell me and confine their personal stuff in me. tat's wad i really like to do. hear and help! i haf stopped mostly on thinking that why i am so screwed, its like hard to explain. I love this change!

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 11:29 PM

• • • • •

:::Friday, March 11, 2005:::

its barker carnival tml! acjc j1s barker boys are doing the haunted house! gogogogoogo! i really hope tml will be a success! gonna pray so real hard tonight for it tml! hopefully no 1 will get injured hopefulyl all will be fine hopefully all of us do our parts right!

50 bucks to spend tml! hehez :P i think i will get sumthing in return for hazelnut and her honey since they got me sumthing from jjc funfair(i was at civil service chess thingy!)! so sweet of me right? ^_^

watched hitch todae wif sum of my classmaets. hilarious movie! hahaz! all shld go watch! :P nice movie la serious. i good movie critic!! :P:P :D :D

and yes back to carnival mood. waking up at 630 am tml! den reaching sch at 745am i guess. fetching nutty and ryan to sch. den it's all gogogogo. haha like army liddat gogogo.

5th dae of revolutionary me is coming to an end. sumhow i tink i pissed several pple todae. nt gd! but i tink i improved much! googog.

time to sleep! *BOLSTER Where are u!!!* nitez all

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 11:20 PM

• • • • •

its been a tiring thrusday. hey i am blogging this on friday

got excuse from sch todae to leave acjc at 11am to go back barker help out in haunted house. muahaha get to skip classes. did pretty much work :P put up the black garbage bags to cover etc etc.

anyway by the time i was done it was alreadi 6+ den my dad came at 650 to fetch me. wow den i slept in the car. came home 722 den i slept on my bed i tink around 5-10s after lying on it. only had the energy to transfer the plug to on the fan to slp mode. slpt past dinner all the way to 10plus!! den woke up bathed ^hehz^ ate dinner ^hehez^ and using computer (now :P)

lols. tml is internal founders dae. actualyl todae becaz its already a new day! positive brighter new day! more things regarding haunted house will be completed todae! :P:P:P

anyway i am announcing:

I AM LOOKING FOR:::::: SOMEONE WILLING TO REDO MY BLOG LAYOUT. NO1 I AM TOO LAZY TO DO SO AND NO2 BEEN HAVING THIS LAYOUT FOR QUITE SUMTIME LE MUST CHANGE. PLEASE HELP ME CONTACT ME Tks.

if no 1 den i gotta do myself :( sad :'(

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 12:12 AM

• • • • •

:::Wednesday, March 09, 2005:::

its the 3rd day already. the 3rd day of this campaign where i will try to look at life positively and treat it positively :P i do haf to say that it is very tough. and wad's worst is that several new revelations(stuff) that i found out that is really wanting me to feel super sad and depressed. somehow i try to keep my motivation up and think of it positively. viewing those stuff from another angle, from a better angle. changing the way of thinking thoughts. it's hard i have to admit becaz sumtimes those stuff really sux. there were times like yesterdae and todae that i want to gif up(let go) but i stayed on miriclely. i believe that there will be more testing times and periods in the next 11 days(2 weeks solid campaign) that i will be doubted in my heart and feelings. and that i will be tempted.i really hope i can resist. and yea though being a free thinker i really hope god will help. wad's more is that sumtimes the people who do those stuff dun even know wad they haf done. and u are like clueless of wad to do, whether to confront and ask or just take it as wad u hear/know.

sch's getting weirder each day. i feel more and more distanced from my classmates. each day i dun make stronger bonds wif my classmates budeen those bonds get weaker and weaker. yes it's strange. esp when i talk quite a lot. no idea why this is happening. but it is happening. sigh. gotta look at this positively though. maybe there's a limit where knowing a classmate can reach. and though i feel it is not the limit as there is no limit other pple will beg to differ. shld view it that i realy know my classmates so much dat i feel dat i aint knowing anymore.

trying my best.

it just take 1 wrong thing to...

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 9:02 PM

• • • • •

:::Tuesday, March 08, 2005:::

sighz.

Talking Behind The Back

Direct
Vs. Reflecting

Or What Nature Teaches Us

There
is a disgusting practice cherished by some people: to talk behind a
person’s back about that person instead of facing him or her directly.

Guess what do they do? The Picture is louder than words...

Let’s look into that subject, using the basic common sense, whether
that is normal and proper or not?

Does the sun shines its rays directly to you face or searches for some
body to reflect it?

Yes, the sun shines directly and if that were not good, it would have
not done so! So learn from the nature and do the same. Nature has
adopted the best ways. Anything else is rejected by it.

Following that example, we can see that only people who are afraid and
not direct but looking to reflect practice speaking behind the back.
Let’s go further. What is prime and first and what is secondary:
direct or reflecting qualities?

Obviously “reflecting” is secondary and inferior to the
“direct.”

So all those folks who are just afraid to be direct are second sort and
inferior to those who are direct.

It is very customary in the USA, for some reason, to encourage this
inferior behavior. Too many people learn by everything they see around
them not to speak truth, face their peers or co-workers but speaking to
a teacher, manager, mama is encouraged.

Wake up people. You raise a generation of inferior, reflecting beings
who don’t know how to be direct.

Guess what dwells inside of these gossipers?

Instead of the generation of the sun, you raise the generation of the
moon. Yet keep in mind that the moon only reflects and is, still,
nurtured by the sun. So go with the best – not the secondary.
They are not trying to protect them.

They simply have no guts, no courage to face you and speak in your face,
taking the consequences of that.

Continue The Article ...

Continuing....

Gossipers are cowards as simple as that.

It is safer to their ego to talk behind your back.

You are not there to defend yourself, to contradict, and even speak the
truth.

They have the full power and arena to say anything they like, anyway
that may fit their purpose and agenda. Cowards indeed.

This practice is bad and even dangerous.

Why? They can and do ruin people in the process.

A gossiper sweetly whispering to a teacher’s or manager's ear can
misquote one word, put a wrong intonation into the transmitted message
and the whole outcome may be opposite of the reality or altered enough
for the other party to get in trouble unjustly.

Well, Mr. and Mrs. gossipers and other, secondary, inferior, afraid to
shine directly beings, you would all, one day, get into the situation
when someone else would gossip about you behind your back and, would,
also, misquote you, and you would get into the same situation you have
caused the innocent person earlier.

Guess what is going to stare at your face one day?

You would feel what its like. Justice would prevail sooner or later.

Always confront the other person and do that in a direct and fair
fashion. Only if you get the vibes that he or she doesn’t appreciate
that and goes too far in whatever has provoked that conversation, then,
you can address that to a higher authority in the chain of command.

But start with being direct first, not reflecting and bending.

Learn to face people and situations and learn from the Sun which shines
that way and you all like that!

Next, Main Step

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 10:58 PM

• • • • •

:::Sunday, March 06, 2005:::

i wanan blog agani

i got 40 more mins b4 i am suppose to change and look at life positively

40 mins to clear and frustrate myeslf. gonna be the best 40 mins of my life.

40 mins to #$R@# around 40 mins to scold pple 40 mins to piss pple

come on come on get a little closer

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 11:21 PM

• • • • •

omg i am like blogging again after only 4-5 hrs?

just finished a game of dota. aroudn 1hr or slightly longer. sighx. lost it though my medussa was pro!! hahas nvm pple who dun play war3 wont understand wad i talking so i shall deviate!

i haf done a bit of my english essay so far!!! weee!! one quarter down and 5 and three quarter of homework left. where's the motivation carrot??? wait wait i am chang. WHERE's the MOTIVATION ZHANG CHANGJIE??? somehow i feel it will nv come haha!!! i mean who in the blue earth would be so guai to do his work? okok so i vow that i iwll complete minimum of 3 and maximum of 5!! :P not guai but not naughty too! just the right chang! hahahahz

i gonna make a promise dat i'm gonna look life positively now. dun be jealous dun do negative stuff dun think negative. dun be sad for the sake of being sad. i'm HAPPY now! come on come on get a little closer! so much more aware i become immesne all i want to do IS BE MORE LIKE ME!!! hahaz..

life rox! why am i saying things when i havent experienced it .. oppss.. just broke my vow.. hahaz. nvm from today onwards changjie promises to be a happy person full of no jealousy and be a nice person :P

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 5:40 PM

• • • • •

omg i go so much homework! each subject also haf!

english - Comprehension
econs - essays(3)
chem - solids liquids gases tutorial
math - inequalities tutorial
physics - ideal gases temperature tutorial
chinese - assessment paper

DIE!

sum1 give me motivation please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

(i haf this feeling i would only complete 1-3 of the 6 listed :P)

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 2:24 PM

• • • • •

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 2:24 PM

• • • • •

:::Friday, March 04, 2005:::

i am sad at the things that are happening aroudn me

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 10:30 PM

• • • • •

:::Tuesday, March 01, 2005:::

bloggin while finding a 4v4 aT game wif elgin josh and alaric

i think i am feeling much better today. dunno why. but i just feel much better! thanks every1!
siaus liz xiuhuan nicole huimin kai hui sarah and sb2 peeps. bk andrew etc etc. also to many others which i cant think right now. thanks for cheering me up!! *smilez* i owe all of u a treat!!

actually i am feeling quite sad inside my heart regarding sumthing else not concerning results. thankfully! it's nt resutls! tks tks that i kinda stopped brooding over it le i guess. :P hopefully it will all be gone within the week end where i will be changjie that dun care abt o levels anymore!!!

but sighz. bad news regarding my frenz can?

1. xiuhuan. i just got a sms from her abt her mailto:%@@ she feels. she just lost to sarah chan.. and yea by standard she's much better. also it's like her soccer u17 gals combined trng for the asian u17 tournament clashes wif national indivs for chess and she told me that she ponning the latter. sighz. it's a hard decision respect her for actually being able to come out wif a decision. i know if i were her i wont even know wad to choose. the sad thing is that she's just getting further and further away from chess.... :( i dunno. maybe juz pray for her and see how.

2. kaihui. my class sb2 ny gal. sighz she wanan stay in ac budden parents want her go rj :((:(:(:(:(: why?? dunno man as the situation looks its very difficult for her to convicne her parents. she tried earlier tonight and didnt succeed :( further more she cried :( sighz* hoping that her parents might change her mind and let her stay in ac! she loves ac u know?? hopefully tml is a better day *hugggggggggggggggggs. will pray for her too.. wah huimin better not leave too sigh. lucky tofu gab sim all staying.

3. liz. sighz she hurt both her legs and arms todae. how careless?!! get well soon!

sighz

my form teacher mr ding whom i used to hate last time sent me a very caring sms. how i wish i could *muacks him. lolz :P i kinda felt guilty that i have been treating so badly last time for most of last yr until like the last 3 months? sorry.

"I noe ure probably disappointed by ur results as u hav high expectations. trust tt God has a good plan for ur life.. u just haf to discover it n do ur best.."

tks alot! yea. i am disappointed :( sorry for nt increasing the a1 grade of physics by 1 too. sorry. sorry i treated u so badly as my form teacher for most of last year...

sumtimes u regret too late.

my reply sms.

"Thanks alot for ur encouragement. Ya. I am quite disappointed that i did quite badly in my opinion. I will never forget the day of a math paper 2 when i made a 10 marks blunder nor the day where i only connected 3 readings for physics prac. but i just got to live with it. sorry for nt pushing the a1 of physics 1 higher. tks for ur sms."

cheese balls man. i haf a funny feeling jt has this secret hatred against me. i thinks it's quite obvious le. dunno maybe i am too sensitive or dunno wad man. it's like he going to haf haunted house meeting tml yet he like nv tell me den tell the rest to meet at acsb at 10am. ok lorh i not going den. its like last time meeting after sch i also last min know. sighz. i can think of an alternative reason why he dun wan me to help too. muz be becaz of 'tat' reason... sighz..

oh ya i went to put down my name for the inter sch indivs chess tourney todae. its between 15-7th march i tink. at northland primary. i really hope i do well. i dun wan another disappointment like o levels. and this time its individual not team so hopefully the bad thigns at public service wont happen again

oh ya todae sch's combined foudners day at indoor stadium in teh afternoon. quite boring though. took taxi home wif huimin after it aroudn 5++. wah 19 bucks! :( wad a waste of cash :'( sighz.. haha i cant believe i didnt act gentlemenly and ask taxi driver drop her at her house first. its like i agreed drop at her house den at my house den taxi driver said my house more convinient so i was like ok ok lorh. sighz. hahaz. nvm la she nt tat petty i hope *crosses fingers!*

picture of the day

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 11:03 PM

• • • • •

this is rubbish. my parents dun even know how i feel can? changjie u are like just inside everything kept inside. no1 to bitch to. no1 to cry to etc. ur parents dun even know how u feel. they only know that u are disappointed that's all. wad's worst is that they think u did wella. wad rubbish. eleven or 11 points is total bullshit and nonsense.

they only know that u are sad. yet they dunno wad u feel deep inside. u feel as if as u are a loser. no wait u are 1. it's true. just look. wtf 11 pts? 2 a1s 4 a2s 1 b3 for english. wad's more is that u dropped 4 subjects from a1 to a2. rubbish right? i am really like destined to fail at every crucial period. i am really like destined to do badly when i everytime be optimistic and stuff. i remembered todae in acs(br) i was on hyper mode b4 everything. i remember b4 public service chess i was hyper. these 2 are just only the latest 2 events. countlesss more happened. why?

why am i such a @%#$#%#$. my parents dun even know my thoughts all my life. they always think i am carefree happy person. they feel that they give me a lot of freedom. TOTAL rubbish that is. wad i want i cannot haf. wad my frenz all haf i dun haf. i am like deprived.. plus they say i lots of freedom can go out anytime i want rubbish lorh that nv happened..

let's get back to results. only consolation is that geog got a1. i seriously thought i failed all the while and i am not acting humble. even when nachi today told me i got a1 b4 i got my cert i was like saying she saw wrongly cockeye. only positive thing. my amath actually got a2. wtf? physics chem a2 too wtf? ssh a2 also wtf? all dropped 1 grade. ultra sad. i just realised again and again dat i changjie just haf no talents at all no special capabilities at all. i haave b*thced abt this countless of times. many time i haf wrote in my blog abt how shitty i am wif nothing no capabilities no talents

the bible says that god gave every1 of us talents. skills. special capabilities. yet i dun haf any. i try so hard to keep thinking to myself that it is undiscovered. i havent found it. there is sumthing undiscovered which i will know 1 day. i think i've been bluffing myself. its rubbish man. i am like nth. resutls so bad might as well take the time and make this a super sad entry.

sumhow i dun haf the guts to type everythine out here. i haf so much high pride. and ya my parents dunno that i myself feel that i a loser. that i feel useless. my freaking bro was like half joking or maybe seriously saying "look at me sumtimes u need a gal to depend/help/guide u along tat's why i am doing well now"
i can look at it 2 ways. 1. go and die. 2. wadeva yes u gd. u go f*** her at so young. den good la gf turn to wife. den me lei? i only have close female frenz tat's all. never had a gf or wad so ever. doubt will haf in the near future. i dun wan to elaborate too much. its like good u haf a WIFE and GF SO FAST AND gd dun haf to stick up my face right? in other words i am a loser larh, no gf no girl to depend on den do badly. so since liz/xiu huan/ fedora or even huimin(new addition) are wad i define as my closest female frenz now means i am suppose to go depend on them?

i feel kinda touched today that nicole bothered to call me and find out wad i got and kinda consoled me. wad a rarity. i mean gals like her whom i sumtimes dun really know her well, like nv talk for long time, actually bothers. tks. seldom are there gals liddat. xh got ask. liz called and sms but i daoed her. fedora asked also.

11 pts is bad. ultra bad. changjie like i said u are useless. u haf so much high pride. u cant stand it those people u thrashed or sweep during prelims are getting l1r5 of near ur score. u are too proud,ego and just an @sshole... u were like "darn it he got this darn it he got tat" and u stared at ur paper of 11 pts. rubbish right? u got morals u know it isnt right yet u think and act that way.

my classmates in 1sb2 all did so well. i feel so jealous. see changjie, u know its not right to be jealous YET u cant stop yourself. why? all teh gals got like wad? 77778889997878797897 den jas got 10(ok i am sad for her) and xinhui got 11(sad too) den the guys wtf all aaron 7 gab 9 hussien 11 lucas 9 amos 8 i bet the rest did well too. leroy 10. slap urself la chang. u are jealous but morals tell u u shldnt.

i freaking cried when i got home today. at first wanted to go out wif 4a2 classmates orchard den go shaw buy uniform. den i decided. changjie this is not right u did badly why u wanna go out? den i told my parnets go buy 1 set den took taxi home. went home opened door. on air con in comp room. layed on the bed and just cry.den i on my music super LOUD max volume at both windows media player and speakers and windows sound. stupid man. guys actually crying. wad does that say?

i haf a feeling i will be depressed a maximum of 2 weeks later. becaz of national indivs for chess. it's gonna be tough and ia m not prepared and i am setting super high targets again.

let me find a picture to describe myself.

(and yes my dad just came in and pissed me off. "dun show me that kind of face") wtf la he cant even support the family haf to count on my mum all the time. cant even bring in monthly income go work shake leg earn nth as stock broker. tat shows why i so deprived la. cannot afford alot of stuff.

perfect pic

and yes this too

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 12:15 AM

• • • • •