My life- A Roller Coaster

:::Monday, April 18, 2005:::

hahas. guess wad? though i might want to feel depressed now becaz of certain sum stuff. but guess wad?! i feel happy. or i am staying and trying to remain happy! becaz! god loves me! seriously man, changjie(me duh) is in a state of euphoric moment! a period where he is veri pro-christian! well, seriosuly speaking i dunno wad's stopping me from being a christian. will give thoughts later. but den again, sighz only time will tell k?

let me blog my christian experiences the past few daays first. b4 i do so, i juz wanna say that although i might want to feel depressed now becaz of sum certain stuff. i AM staying happy! hyper!

saturday was wonderful in the sense that i went to jas/ww/mana and shuang ai's(her 2nd time there) church. i went for the cell at 530 where i and sum1 else were new(first time dere). hmm i cheated in a game where u had to recall the person's name and movie. i feel super guilty! sorry!!! i mean i dunno anyway dere, when pple intro i sure forget right? ok larhx, den i cheated when my number tio. haha keith and mana helped mE! anyway the split the cell that acjc and rjc will be together. tat means in future(if i am still going trinity, i tink i will try my best) jas ww keith shaung ai mana all these pple dere.. cool! hahaaz.

maybe let's go on to more personal stuff. during the chapel or the service at 730. sumthing happened. the person that talked today was great. he gave a sum kind of testimony of his life. and yea, it's quite true that god would always wait for sinners to repend. there is alwaays time for pple to confess their sins and turn over a new leaf. (ps i am blogging in a manner den christianity is true) he mentioned dat he back slided 3 months after becoming a true christiaan when he was early 20s. den all the problems came etc etc. den the person he liked died and that was wad brought his faith back. its complicated but i know its true! he was referring to 2 samuel chaper 11-12 for the chapel. i've been reaading those 2 chapters since sat night.

anyway, towards the end of service. when we were abt to pray. he was asking pple whether they are corageous and want to stop back sliding and come back to their faith. those pple that were lost and wanna repend. pple raised their hands. i mean we were all looking down eyes closed(prayer position like la), he would say "yes i see the hand u may put down" quite a number of people raised their hands (from wad i hear). briallint! so manny pple know they haf back slided and wanan come back. anyway den after that the speaker was asking any1 wanan open their lives totally to christ and accept him. from wad i know 1 person did. well... ok i didnt. :( sorri. i tink not the time yet. still not ripe(hopefully it does ripe in the near future)

so we all prayed and stuff. and after the prayer, there was this song that the whole church sang. he asked those people that haf troubles in their lives to come foward to the altars and be prayed for. anything troubles that u haf, go foward. jas went, so did on-drey(forgot his name think tthis is his name) so did keith and weiwen if i rmemeber correctly. i remained their wif mana and shuaang ai... while the song was being played halfway, mana asked me "are u still hesistating". i told her "idun tink the time is correct yet i still need time" (i knew she was referring to me to become a christian". she said "its alright u haf all the time". so the song was going to end. the speaker said "we gonnnaa paly the song once more and those who still wanan come foward to the front please do so" i saw mana speaking in tongues at aroudn this moment. den sumhow i found this urge dat i wanat to go up dere to be prayed for. it took me like sumwhile b4 i poked mana(and waiting for her to say her tongued prayer finish) and i told her "can u follow me to the front becaz i want to be prayed and stuff". she did. thanks. so i went up dere. i didnt kneel down or anything liddat. i waas far from the altars but still in front. then the lady tat was doing the cell saw me. she asked me wad i wanna pray. i told her "i juz want to be prayed that hopefully i can open my heart more and ya i get to know christ more and stuff, i dun wan to be a christian yet but i juz wanna open my heart to know more"(along those lines larhx). she placed her hand on my shoulder(so did mana) and ya. prayer was said.. i had this sensation in me at that time. the heat feeling =)

coem to think of it. i tink if jas thsee pple didnt go up i wont haf that much courage. fortunately there were aroudn 20-30 pple in front.(or more i tink!) the lady spoke to me after the prayer and we had a chat abt stuff. well, it was a gd church service. i am happy dat i took the courage to ask mana to follow me down, or dat i even went down and took the guts. i know i would haf regretted. i told myself if i dun wanna try dun wanan open up, i will regret.

i tink mana is a great person! she's veri nice.

todae's chapel (monday). i feel from looking back on today's chapel it seems that god is arranging my life back into pieces for me today. i feel that god has this plan to make me a better person. a plan to draw me closer to him. the speaker todae was a j4 or j5?(or izizt j6) and he spoke abt self esteem. well. i tink i am a person full of problems wif my self esteem so it realli knocked me that i shld listen attentatively. i did! alot of things he said all similarized wif me. like always wanting gd results. read into frenship meanings too much. (eg if pple dao me the slightest i would always think they hate me) self esteem veri high base on fren'z opinion results and environment and stuff. they are not really correct. i shld base it on god's purpose for me. which is to do stuff at the base of my abilities and things which i can achieve. again i had that yes feeling, i shld change. during the end when he going to pray. he asked if any1 want to haf their self esteem changed for the better or that they knew what they haf done in the past was wrong(related to self esteem) and want to be better to raise their right hand after the count 3. he would pray that god will help and change us for the better. when he said that, i knew to myself that i am 1 of those. sum1 who had a too high self esteem, basing it on frenz, environment results and stuff. i am the person that is wrong on my purpose, juz wrong. (sorri i hafing short term memory cant remember alot of stuff during this period) i took the courage and yea after he counted 3 i raised my right hand up instantly. i dunno if i hit leroy(i hope i dindt and thus he wont know). i prolyl was teh first.(like who cares anyway.) and i placed it down. aroudn 5-6 "i see ur hand u can put it down" these words were said by the speaker.

and ya. tat concludes alot of my dealings wif christianity these few days.

ps: i know the chapel thingy abt self esteem soudns weird. sorri. i haf bad memory problems. i cant realli remember wad were the exact words or stuff. i knew it was abt self esteem and stuff. and wad eva he described all related to me closely. so i knew i shld haf the courage(which i had) to raise my hand after he coutned 3. wadeva i typed above soudns weird. i know. but sorri i cant really remmeber but its juz along those lines.

soudn weird.

anways i wanan feel sad becaz of sum stuff i juz saw. but let me remain happy and hyper!

and ya i juz wrote a note for mana. gonna gif her tml thanking her

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 10:28 PM

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