My life- A Roller Coaster

:::Wednesday, November 24, 2004:::

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2001/006/5.92.html

"Bitter news, this. And that is the main danger in a world of unfairness: bitterness. The danger is to indulge our bitterness, to feel justified in it, to feel justified in the deeds that spring from it. The danger is that we will, on principle, refuse do the right thing. After all, we reason, has God done the right thing? Isn't God a hard man, reaping where he has not sown, gathering what he has not scattered?"

"So what is right? If that is the stark command to Cain—"Do what is right"—what is right? What is right in a world where little girls get sick and die and genocidal despots live in luxury? Where hard-working men go bankrupt and swindlers go on swindling? Where slumlords and warlords get rich off the spoils and good people are left to scavenge? Where all the wrong people, it seems, suffer?"

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my blog is all about whining. I dun really care actually. i mean if people dun wan to read whine-ish blog, its ok. maybe becaz my life is too whineful till there's nth unwhineny to blog abt.

Father's Side:
-Nearest Cousin 7 years older. followed by 10.
-family is most 'well-off' compared to the rest
-A lot of 'traditional' Aunts And Uncles

Mother's Side:
-Nearest Cousin 10-15? years older.
-family is middle 'well-off' compared to the rest
-Mainly Traditional Aunts and Uncles

Why have i list these two sides out? Because. i feel that. when everytime i hear friends, people, strangers. read. listen. about them mentioning:

"ya i went out wif my cousin to so and so"
"meeting them for"
"i got a choker from my uncle"
"i go and mix around wif my cousins frequently. they tell me their stuff(around same age mah)"
"got a game (called XXX) with them"

etcetc

Man. All my life. be it childhood or now. I feel very lost. Left out. It's like so deprived? Everytime i hear my friends all describing their experiences, when chatting. I am like. ok. I dont have that. Man youngest in the generation. T.t. I don't even have the opportunity to enjoy life, live it, make it, pull it with my cousins.

They are like? so far gap betweeen me and them. I feel irony, feel 'left out in the dark', feel that green jealous feeling. I am like living 'in the shadows'. The joy my friends, foes, strangers and people have is just not within my life. It's like not meant to be.

My Aunts and Uncles are like. Dunno anything about me. Man, even ben soh's uncle gave him a choker for his birthday. So cool lorh. Me? Nothing. My Aunts/Uncles/Cousins don't know a single thing. They don't know how i feel, don't care. I never have my birthday celebrated(except first year) or received any gifts. It's not known. Relatives are non-existent

That stage of life is about to be over. Or it continues forever?

Life is unfair. I know it. I believe in this sentence. It's true. But i want to change the unfairness to as neutral as possible. But how are you going to pull ages together? change mindsets?

Only one part of unfairness being mentioned. Countless more.

It just doesn't click with me. It's like I am not meant to be in this body.

'Do you ever feel like breaking down?(yes)
Do you ever feel out of place?(yes)
Like somehow you just don't belong(yes)
And no one understands you(abit)
Do you ever wanna run away?(more)
Do you lock yourself in your room?(no)
With the radio on turned up so loud(want to)
That no one hears you screaming(want to)
No you don't know what it's like(ya)
When nothing feels alright(ya)
You don't know what it's like to be like me(ya)

[Chorus:]

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?(yes)
Are you sick of feeling so left out?(yes)
Are you desperate to find something more(yes)
Before your life is over(101%)

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?(yes)
Are you sick of everyone around?(yes)
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies(hmm)
But deep inside you're bleeding(ya)
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me(...)

[Chorus:]

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy (..)
But I'm not gonna be ok(..)
Everybody always gave you what you wanted(9999999999%)
You never had to work it was always there(1000000001%)
You don't know what it's like(urmm)
What it's like(Hell.)

[Chorus:]What it's like

[Chorus:]Welcome to my life Welcome to my life '

0 comments posted by blurblock:) 1:24 AM

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