:::Wednesday, May 19, 2004:::

MESSED! SCREWED! CRAPPED! SADED! WTF-ED!

Things really can screw up in just a few seconds. make tat a minute.. make tat a hour.. finally make tat a dae. or a few days.. .the last few days was shit has been shit for me... 4eva and 4va this will remain in me.. just totally sucks... just SUX TO THE CORE.. i dunno wad's wrong with me... i am disintergrating.. to a puddle of water... easily melted... sumthing tat is stupid and crapped up... sum1 tat is an idiot.. tat is a true failure? i am so depressed this week..

Forget the dream

Forget ur sir martin luther dream.. the dream tat u wanan get 8as for os.. tat is totally unrealistic.. tat is totally impossible.. given the grades i haf? i shld go die? i mean maybe i shld just aim for 20 pts can le... sianzzz... got back a math todae.. 1/4 of lv pass, i got 44.4 % (f*** up numbers).. i knew i gonna fail from the moment i did the paper.. juz cannot face it.. i am ZCJ i shld be in the 1/4.. nt the 3/4... die.. parents coming home any min confirm kena screwed... and parents onli remember bad marks and not gd marks.. speaking of marks, let me list down all my crappy marks which wil lget me my 20 points target(my dream is stupid of 8as)

English - 69.2 <4th in class, 10th in level> (thought i failed.. budden this still sucks.. 8as only in lv)
Mother Tongue - 56.0 <25-30th in class? class of 40> (no doubt this sux, i will nv reach an A)
Additional Mathematics - 44.4 (like i said i prefer to be in the 1/4 tat passed? my class 1/3 passed..)
Social Studies - 80.0 (not good enough? it was just pure luck)


the fact is that i shouldnt be competing with my classmates/school mates.. i shld be competing wif myself.. ME.. and yet.. it sux becaz i cant.. i am just too weak to pull myself further.. i belive tml when i get physics and chem back i gonna be damn depressed again.. physics i know i got 24/40 mcq(sux 101%) and i need 66/80 for p2 to get a1.. i view tat as impossbile now... chem i got 32/40mcq(sux 100%) and i need 58/80 for p2 to get a1... even if i get 58, i screwed my chem prac on monday..

speaking of chemistry practical on mondae, i got sum crap stuff.. i just anyhow guess the salt(s).. its like i know cannot be cholrine and ammonia so i just put hydroxide? al203.. blardie stupid.. i gonna fail tat... so i tink my a1 target for chem is as gd as gone.. oh wait i shld be aiming for 20/6 => b3 or b4.. my dream of 8as is stupid

Careless

i lost the pen min ser gave me for my birthday.. how sucky man.. i beleive that i dropped it in bus 193.. on the way home in the bus i usually sit in a way dat my knees would be leaning on the sit in front, using it as support.. i beleive it dropped out there.. sux man... bdae pressie and summore it isnt cheap? i belvie quite ex also.. sianz i feel so useless cant even keep a pen.. cant even manage to make it remain in my possession.. why man? i am just too careless idiot... losing the pen really caused me lotsa grieve... and probably pissed her off also. :( :'( i had like no mood to play war3 yesterdae? after knowing i lost it? sianz the pen... the pen... why did i lose it? it was a lucky pen.. sumthing tat i used during exams.. sumthing tat helped me get gd marks for ss(i had it in my possession) and i did nt haf it wif me todae(lost yesterdae) a math sux? -how i wish i could slap myself man-

Unfair

it realli when u are youngest in the family.. esp youngest in the generation.. u dun get everything tat u wan.. nth at all.. stuff u wan u gonna wait 4eva to haf it.. or even nv ever will get it man... it's like my bro got alot of gd stuff i bleive last time? and den ever sicne my bro-mum quarrel and bro move out and like dun realli care abt my parents becaz of sum big argument.. my parents haf been like looking carefully at me ever since.. i haf bee nwatched everything i do.. my mum keeps nagging '1 son alreadi left me who knows abt the other' 'prepared to stay in old age home' 'i gave so much gd things to my first son.. and he left me'... man its like right now my parents dun wan to gif me alot of priviledges.. they are like damn strict? i wanan haf a new comp also cannot.. they just insist use this use this.. my specs i tell any1 they will luff and say its ancient? and also like my parents keep asking wad girls i know(they always beleive tat my bro gf/wife made my bro became rebellious) den i had to dodge all those qn.. its like u are so freaking controlled!! and deprived!! cannot have anything u want.. nvm no 1 else would haf the same feeling as me.. i am born screwed... come to think of it, i dunno wad my parents gave me b4 tat will make me vividly remember.

Lost

i am realli at a loss of wad to do... realli dunnno how to carry on myself. i was like damn sad on my bed yesterdae b4 slping...

'The process of sublimation is a dangerous 1'

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-Ability may get you to the top but it's character that keeps you there- -I haven't failed, I have found 10,000 ways that don't work- -Winning isn't everything, neither is losing- -We live a life by what we get, we make a life by what we give- -What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us- if the world did'nt suck, we would all fall off?- -First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win- -To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world- -If the minimum wasn't acceptable it wouldn't be called the minimum- -Nothing is a problem- .:x:Abt Me:x:.


Name:-Zhang Changjie-
Bdae:-23/04/88-
Sch:-ACJC-
Cca: -chess(1731)-
Trademarks: -slacker,stoner,sucker-
Personal: -emotional person,hide his feelings,enclosed person,sensitive nature-

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